Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
