remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
