How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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