Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize