hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
