I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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