I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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