he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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