another moral hangover. fuck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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