It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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