Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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