I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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