for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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