Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I skipped work to stalk him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
