Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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