Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
