yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
