Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
