I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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