I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
