I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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