Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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