Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize