So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
