so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I touched a dick in church today
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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