how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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