Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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