There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
