last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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