There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
