I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
