She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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