if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize