his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
