yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
