some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
