I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
