I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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