Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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