Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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