While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
