grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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