is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
