Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
