he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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