Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
