apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
