sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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