So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
