She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize