Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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