That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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