Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
