Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I fill condoms, not promises.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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