The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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