I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
