actually, I'm a sock model
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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