It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
