I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
