Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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