It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
