Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drake has all the answers
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
