i permit you to call me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
