We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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