is your mom at the bar?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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