What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
