Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize