The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
