Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
