addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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