I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
