Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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