well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
