I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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