He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
