i just snorted my name. best moment ever
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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