my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
