Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
