But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
