I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
