you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
