he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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