I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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