she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
