what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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