he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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