I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
