I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
