Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
