Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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