yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
