I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
