im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
