My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
