thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
