Jerry, you need to find god
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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