I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
