yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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