You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
