what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
