Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
