low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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