Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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