I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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