So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
