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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  we need to stop having unprotected sex.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK

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• (510): View more from California

  my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.

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• (61): View more from Australia

  not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!

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• (713): View more from Texas

  You threw up everything but your ovaries.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.

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