Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
